Al-Qaeda pigs out on US taxpayer ice cream

In the latest news from the “war on terror,” Bloomberg News Service reports:
“Supporters of the Taliban and al-Qaeda in Afghanistan have been getting U.S. military contracts, and American officials are citing ‘due process rights’ as a reason not to cancel the agreements, according to an independent agency monitoring spending.”
Apparently it would be unfair to discriminate against al-Qaeda when awarding U.S. military contracts.
American taxpayers are not only paying for al-Qaeda’s weapons – we’re also buying them ice cream. According to professional war-on-terror mouthpiece Peter Bergen, US-supported al-Qaeda fighters in Syria have been holding ice-cream-eating contests and posting the videos on-line.
As an American taxpayer, I’m not sure I like the idea of my hard-earned tax dollars buying weapons for al-Qaeda.
But on thing I AM sure of: I do NOT want to buy those bloodthirsty terrorists any more ice cream!
Why are US taxpayers shipping ice cream to al-Qaeda?
An Obama Administration source, who wishes to remain anonymous, explained:
“Like everyone else, we were horrified by the videos of our al-Qaeda friends in Syria ripping the entrails out of dead bodies and devouring them live on camera. So we thought, why not give them something nice to eat for a change? Maybe if we just sent them a few cargo jets full of Ben-and-Jerry’s finest it would, you know, mellow them out.”
Result: A top secret “ice cream for al-Qaeda” program was set up by the CIA.
But the program quickly hit a snag when Abu Mohammed al-Jawlani, head of the US-funded al-Qaeda-linked al-Nusra front in Syria, complained that the flavors he wanted were unavailable.
When Al-Jawlani called up the CIA to order ice cream, he demanded such exotic flavors as Cannibal Caramel Crunch, Mint Chocolate Human Flesh, Blood Swirl (type B negative), and Chocolate Fudge Ripped-Out-Lung-of-Syrian-Soldier.
After prolonged negotiations, the CIA convinced al-Jawlani to order ordinary ice-cream, and later add special toppings ripped from dead soldiers’ corpses to make exotic ice-cream sundaes. “We saved the taxpayers a fortune by doing it that way,” the Administration source explained. “If we’d had to have Ben and Jerry’s or Baskin-Robbins make up special batches of ice cream containing human body parts, the cost would have been astronomical.”
According to the latest reports, Al-Qaeda has been sharing its cannibal sundaes with its Israeli allies, who in turn have been offering the terrorists “Rachel Corrie pancakes” from flour made with the ground-up bones of murdered Palestinians and international solidarity activists.
Pessimistic observers believe that the recent upsurge in cannibalism by the Zionists and their al-Qaeda allies bodes poorly for the peace process. Optimists, however, hope that that the two groups may one day completely devour each other and leave the region in peace.