Hollywood Goes Jewish

for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:—Ruth 1:16

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By www.roytov.com

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“Roi Tov is a fool! Hollywood has always been a Jewish stronghold!” Some will say after taking a quick look at this page. Yet, this article doesn’t analyze who runs Hollywood, but a perceived increase in the conversions to Judaism among Hollywood stars. Before ADL lawyers send me a polite, but nasty, letter, let me state explicitly the origin of the claims about Hollywood quoted here.

Yediot Ahronot (“Latest News”) is the largest paid Hebrew newspaper; its online version is ynet.co.il. The online version runs a secondary site named “Xnet.” For Passover 2013, the latter published an article in Hebrew titled “From Drew Barrymore to Mila Kunis: Judaism Hollywood-Style.” As always, I keep copies of the articles, their codes, and screen snapshots. ADL, sue them, not me.

The article’s subtitle was far more engaging that its title since it discloses the Israeli current mindset: “While you dream about Santa Claus and his bag of gifts, Hollywood’s hottest gadget is ‘Jew.’ Everybody wants one at home. Who converted, who only keeps the Shabbat, and who shaved her head and wears a wig? Converting to Judaism has never been so hot.”

Hollywood Jewish Collage according to Yediot Ahronoth

            Tila Tequila Jewish-Rated Industry Rabbi Shlomo Goren: Torah Sage and General

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The Price of Hollywoodian Stardom

“Gyur” is the Hebrew name for conversion to Judaism. “Ger” is a converting man; “gyoret” is a woman. By far, the most famous convert was Ruth (see box at the bottom), who even deserved a charming little book in the Bible. Unlike Christianity and Islam, Judaism doesn’t welcome converts. Unlike the described in the Book of Ruth, nowadays Jews place many obstacles among those wanting to convert, including humiliating rites. The most discouraging obstacle is that they would never be allowed into Orthodoxy; Tila Tequila won’t marry Rabbi Goren’s grandson. Moreover, Conservative and Reform conversions—popular in the USA—are not recognized by the State of Israel.

Xnet rated the conversions of Hollywood stars in a system of Stars of David. Five Stars of David refer to a perfectly kosher conversion. Poor Tila Tequila was rated just one star, “so what if she makes money by showing her breasts, also Rahab [a Biblical whore] wasn’t exactly Roni Delomi [a puritan singer].” Tila said to TMZ, “I can’t wait to be Jewish.”

The Price of Hollywoodian Marriage

Many of Hollywood converts made so after marrying a Jew. Anne Hathaway married one, started the conversion process, and yet got just two stars. “It doesn’t matter if she got close to Judaism. A second ago, she got an Oscar. According to statistics, this marriage won’t last more than the soy milk in our refrigerator.” Daniel Craig, Mossad’s James Bond, got three stars for marrying Jewish actress Rachel Weisz. “Does this mean that he will convert? No. Yet, it doesn’t matter to us because he is hot, thus we will count him as a Jew;” then, Xnet added a description too obscene to be reproduced here.

The tiresome tirade continued mercilessly. Chris Martin, singer of Coldplay, married to Jewish Gwyneth Paltrow, and got two stars. He didn’t convert, but Gwyneth forced him to give up Christmas, hence he got a consolation prize. Ashton Kutcher started his way into Judaism before he met his partner, the Jewish actress Mila Kunis; this premeditated act awarded him two stars.

The tiresome text went on and on along this line; luckily its writers were righteous Jews obviously capable of making these judgements. Let me finish with the priceless words that end their review of Tila Tequila: “One Star of David. Despite Mrs. Tequila having passed the entire conversion process, it is obvious that she did that to advance her career. There is nothing to do, the Jews are those controlling Hollywood.” Cheers, Tequila!

Now and Then

 Compare the humilliating process forced on Gentiles trying to convert to Judaism nowadays, with the captivating text in the Book of Ruth:

 “And they lifted up their voice, and wept again: and Orpah kissed her mother in law; but Ruth clave unto her. And she said, Behold, thy sister in law is gone back unto her people, and unto her gods: return thou after thy sister in law. And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.” Ruth 1:14-17

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What Went Wrong?

• Ruth and Naomi

Roi Tov

Roi Tov is a graduate—among others—of Tel Aviv University and the Weizmann Institute of Science. In addition to his memoir, Tov is published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Molecular Physics and other scientific journals. He won various travel writing and photography awards.

In his writings, he tries to reveal life in Israel as a Christian Israel Defense Force (IDF) officer—from human rights violations to the use of an extensive network of underground agents. He was recognized first as a refugee and subsequently as political prisoner of Bolivia.